One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the Dean's office and in rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician. The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion. The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation.
An accountant spends a week at his new office with the accountant he is replacing. On the last day the departing accountant tells him that he has left two envelopes in the desk draw and that the envelope number 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis in the job and envelope number 2 if a further crisis occurs.
An auditor is hard at work auditing a manufacturing plant. He spots one worker at the end of the shift, that worker is always carrying a wheelbarrow covered with an opaque cloth. The auditor is certain something is fishy. He asks the security to check the wheelbarrow. Many surprise checks, security finds nothing. On the last day of the audit the auditor goes to the worker and asks, “Alright, I give up. I know you are taking something. I cannot prove it . I do not want to pursue it. I just want to know. What are you stealing?” The worker replies, “Wheelbarrows.”
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor: "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
An auditor is hard at work, auditing an airline. The auditor cannot understand an excess fuel consumption on a Detroit to Erie route, for flight no. 420. The auditor calls the pilot and demands an explanation. The pilot replies “It was a late night, snow storm was raging, and I lost my bearings.” The auditor demands a statement, “for what?” the pilot asks. The auditor tells him “for lost bearings.”
The auditors have taken an inventory of thermometers held in a warehouse, in summer. The thermometers will be exported out of the country in January, and are kept under lock and key. In December, auditors ask management to redo the inventory count. The management is surprised “Why? Nothing has changed.” Auditors tell them “The inventory is overstated, in summer there is more mercury in the thermometers.”